Being the older sister, I used my driver’s license so my sister and I could drop by the hospital and surprise our mother. The surprise was on us. Daddy had scheduled our previous visits. Now I understood why.

I heard Mama moaning on the other side of the closed door to her room. She was asleep and unaware others could hear her pain. My sister and I drove home in silence. The reality our mother would never come home smothered us.

As painful as it was to see her suffer, knowing the ugly reality of Mama’s situation helped me release her. Until then I couldn’t let her go. That day I realized it was selfish to hold on. It was time to say good-bye.

Years later, my cousin called to say my aunt was in hospice care. Jane was Mama’s younger sister and a surrogate mother to me after Mama died. Eight earlier, dementia began erasing her memories and left a happy child in place of the capable woman I’d known.

Larry and I drove to DC to say good-bye. She peacefully rested. My cousin brought an old record player and played my aunt’s favorite 45s. Her foot tapped under the sheets. She still had rhythm! Encircled by her seven grandchildren, she savored their attention. 

Her middle school grandson said, “Give me the evil eye.” She scrunched her face and furrowed her brows.

A granddaughter said, “Smile, Mema.” She opened her eyes wide and smiled big.

She giggled at secrets and puckered her lips to exchange kisses. When I placed my hand on her cheek, she leaned into it as if to hug me. We reviewed funny jingles she’d sung to us as children. We laughed and cried with this woman that had loved, entertained, and kept us in line.

James says life is a vapor. The older I get the more that description resonates.

Mama died at forty-eight. My aunt was eighty-four. Reversing their numbers didn’t erase the pain of saying good-bye. But knowing my temporary pain here brought permanent gain for them soothes my loss with hope. In the blink of an eye, we’ll join them.

Better Than We Can Imagine

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am” (Jn. 14:1-3, NLT).

My aunt loved to explore new places. She delighted in beauty and God’s creation. When she entered heaven and experienced the reunions, colors, and surprises Jesus had prepared for her, I imagine her telling my mother, “Virginia, would you look at that? I declare!”

Heaven will be more wonderful than we can imagine (1 Cor. 2:9) because Jesus has gone before us to create a place perfectly suited for each of us. One thing we know for sure, it will be better than we can imagine. 

What helps you say good-bye to your loved ones in the Lord?

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