Daddy loved Christmas. He decorated our tree, played games, and bought nice gifts, especially for Mama. I entered marriage thinking all husbands gave their wives nice Christmas gifts.

Being in ministry, I didn’t expect diamonds. But I thought I’d get something special.

Our first Christmas together I asked for something pretty and practical—a leather day planner. I unwrapped my gift. It was a planner. A vinyl planner. Not even pleather that at least resembles leather! No chocolate, no stocking, no ho, ho, ho. Can you say “Let-down”?

Unrealistic Expectations

I’ve discovered the expectations we hold, especially concerning holidays, can rob our joy. The thing is, we often don’t realize we’ve put these expectations on ourselves or others until they aren’t met.

Can you relate?

• You imagined a smiling extended family gathered around your dining room table. But this year your family members aren’t speaking.
• You anticipated a Christmas bonus, instead your boss laid you off.
• You’d planned a tropical vacation, instead you had to replace your heating and air conditioning unit.
• You expected your family to cooperate for one day, but your family’s never watched Hallmark.

[bctt tweet=”The expectations we hold, especially concerning holidays, can rob our joy. Often we don’t realize we’ve put these expectations on ourselves or others until they aren’t met. #RechargeWednesday @debbieWwilson” username=”PatHolbrook”]

Great Expectations

Reading about the first Christmas realigned my expectations. If I’d been Mary, I would have expected the mother of God’s Son to receive a bit of pampering—at least a private room, a bed with clean linens, and a midwife. Mary could have focused on her hardships. Who gave birth in an animal stable without any family to comfort or celebrate with her? Like Prissie in Gone With the Wind, Joseph probably didn’t know nothin ’bout birthing babies.

Isaiah 55:9 says God’s ways are higher than our ways. We know higher is better. Think higher grades, higher quality, or higher value. God’s ways aren’t just a little better; they are immeasurably better as the heavens are higher than the earth.

How could “no room for them in the inn” be better (Luke 2:7)? The inn may have been a guest room in someone’s home or a walled-in area around a well without the private suites we’d expect. I picture a hurricane shelter filled with cots and bedrolls. People would mill around and surely gawk at a woman giving birth.

The manger became the sign that identified Jesus to the shepherds. He was the only baby that night in a manger. The stable or cave that held the manger provided Mary and Joseph privacy the packed inn would have lacked. It also offered a quiet place for the shepherds to visit and worship the infant Christ.

If Joseph and Mary’s families had believed their story, Mary may have stayed behind. Their lack of support made sure she was in Bethlehem. Their doubts, if they had been with her, would have been a distraction, not a comfort. God chose shepherds to share their wonder and angels to celebrate with the couple. God didn’t meet my expectations of how to care for the mother of His Son. He did exceedingly better.

Sometimes we fail to appreciate God’s perfect provisions for our lives because we’re looking for something different. Birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas all arrive with ideas of how we should be treated. Expectations inflict unnecessary pain and strain our relationships.

What assumptions are you putting on yourself and others? How would surrendering those expectations relieve your disappointment? How would believing that God wants the very best for you and is sovereignly ruling over all the circumstances of your life affect your attitude and gratitude?

God used my husband’s disappointing gift-giving habits to provide the greater gift of realistic expectations and focusing on the priceless gifts I receive daily. (Happily, my husband has also become more in tune with special occasions.) Let’s not allow unrealistic expectations to suck the joy out of Christmas.

Merry Christmas, dear friends!

Part of this post was adapted from Little Women, Big God.

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