I spotted her on the first row, eyes filled with tears as I spoke about God’s healing of emotional wounds. Once the assembly dismissed, she was the first to come to my table, where she started sharing her burdens. She struggled with insecurities, addictions and broken relationships. She nodded in agreement as I spoke of God’s faithfulness and unconditional love. And yes, she agreed that he has the power to set anyone free.
But when I started talking about freedom from past experiences, she interrupted the conversation, mentioning the long list of reasons as to why her life was in such terrible shape. She had never felt loved as a child. She had always felt inadequate, insecure. She knew her love relationships would never last. In less than five minutes talking to the lady, the conversation turned from present circumstances to her past experiences. It became clear that she was allowing her past to define her present.
My heart ached for her, as I could relate to her sense of inadequacy and heartbreak. I certainly remember a time when all my troubles were, in my mind, as unchangeable as my past. But beyond sympathy, I felt like shaking this lady out of her trance. She has been caught, just as I once was, in a conspicuous, joy-stealing trap. Invariably, people who do that refuse to take ownership of their current situation, blaming past circumstances and their upbringing for everything bad that happens to them.
I know she is not alone. I’ve met several people with similar stories. From something as simple as parents who had no time when they were children, to verbally or physically abusive parents or spouses, many adults struggle with the weight of past experiences and traumas.
[bctt tweet=”Although I believe God is grieved by what happened in our past, I am convinced he does not expect our past experiences to determine our present and future.” username=”PatHolbrook”]
As a matter fact, I believe he longs to show us that the bad experiences we’ve had can be used to strengthen us and help others. But we must, first and foremost, choose to let go. And, most importantly — we must set the people who hurt us free.
Strange as it may seem, if we are honest, we must admit that sometimes our past becomes a crutch that we drag along as the reason we cannot walk in victory. We justify our insecurities or bad temper because someone hurt us. Or it seems easier to blame mom or dad, the ex-boyfriend or spouse, than to take ownership of our lives, pressing on to a brighter destiny. All along, I imagine God, hands extended toward us saying: “Come. There is life beyond your pain. There is fullness of joy beyond your past. There is a future that is not determined by anything but your willingness to let go and embrace the life I offer you.”It’s not easy. I know it too well. I used my “crutches” for far too many years. They were comfortable to me. But I found out that they were nothing but a trap, designed to keep me from reaching the purpose God had for my life. Once I realized that, I deliberately decided not to use my past to justify the way I behaved toward perfectly good people in my life. It was time to stand on my present, fully and hopeful, if I were to ever find fulfillment. My bad attitudes and impatience had to go. My insecurities and neediness had to leave. And I became determined to conquer them, by God’s grace and power.
He was there for me. With loving arms, God wrapped me in a love that I had never experienced before. His love was so deep and unconditional that it slowly erased all unforgiveness, pain and insecurities that had haunted me for years. It happened one step at a time, as I surrendered each burden and chose to forgive. Only then, after choosing to deliberately leave the past where it belonged, was I able to receive the healing, peace and joy that set me free.
This article was originally published in Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal Constitution on Saturday – October 27, 2018.
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[bctt tweet=”LINKUP PARTY is open. Today, an invitation to leave our past where it belongs… and embrace what GOD says about your future. JOIN US?” username=”PatHolbrook”]
Thanks for your constant encouragement. We all need to be reminded ever so often. God said, “though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” He cleansed us and they no longer have any power over us.
Amen, Nylse! It’s the secret to victory… to truly surrender our past fully the our Redeemer.
Blessings!
I lived like that, too, for much of my young adult life, but when I finally heeded God’s call, I was free to shake away the past and live in the present. I do hope this young woman will find the help and encouragement she needs to move forward with her life in forgiveness.
Blessings, Patricia!
Me too, Martha!
Thank you for sharing your testimony. I appreciate you,
I love reading these posts that have been in the Constitution, because, as I read, I imagine the impact they must have on the hearts of people for whom this is NOT just the usual reading material they are accustomed to. Thanks for your ministry.
Thank YOU for your support, Michele. Yes, I consider it a gift from God to be able to share my words in a secular paper. I am so grateful.
Blessings to you!
Patricia, I thank God for His promise to work all things together for the good of those who love Him. When we believe Him, it frees us. Thanks for this wonderful reminder to trust Him.
Amen, Debbie. Our faithful God never fails!
Thank you for your encouragement!
I used to be one of those people. I used to blame my past on everything and not take charge of my life. I’m doing a bit better now. Great article.
It’s just about believing God for what He says, right? That our sins are completely forgiven, and He has given us a new life. “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Co 5:17
Blessings, Kathleen!
Dear Patricia!
Thank you for sharing.
Yes, there are so many women with stories similar to the one you shared in your blog post here.
It’s good to know that He’s there for us no matter what happens to us now, before or later.
With love!
Edna Davidsen
So true, Edna!
God is so faithful to help us overcome our past. We must continue to tell our story of redemption when we find brothers and sisters who struggle to press on to the promises God has for His children.
So glad you stopped by!
You’re welcome!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I do believe that many times we do allow our past ti become a crutch and we don’t want to give it up. It has become comfortable for us and a fear resides deep in us that we won’t get noticed without it. But God has so much more for us if we just release it back to Him.
That’s it, Yvonne. Many people struggle to function without their dysfunction 🙂
I know it too well! Thank God for His mercy and grace that sets us free!
Grateful for your visit,
Hello Patricia – thank you for wise words and for being willing share some of what you went through.
I so agree – there is no reason to make the past wrong in order to make our current life or our future better. I have used the past to limit me at times, I guess in small or big ways most of us have.
I also agree whatever we are going through can be turned to good, if only in the development of our character
Thank you for your encouragement
Hi, Bob!
I’m so glad you stopped by! I don’t know many people who don’t struggle with their past one way or another, or at some point in time. I believe that the closer we get to the Lord, the more He works on those areas in our lives of pain and regret, bringing us to a place where we can finally thrive.
Thanks for your insight and visit!
Such wisdom here. laurensparks.net
Freedom can feel foreign. I have noticed that there is comfort in hanging on to the past, as you wrote: “people…refuse to take ownership of their current situation, blaming past circumstances and their upbringing for everything bad that happens to them.” Sometimes we long for the leash of sin because freedom with our Master means facing our dark side, working hard, and sacrifice. This is such a relevant post. Thank you for sharing from your heart.
Thank you for your encouragement, Stephen. I believe this is a relevant theme for all believers because so many are anchored to their past and remain joyless…
I appreciate you stopping by!
Blessings!
Hey Patricia! Thank you for such an important blog topic. I think we all have struggled with past issues that have haunted our present. It’s a hard hill to climb, but with the strength of the Lord and good wisdom and prayer from fellow believes, we can remove those shackles the bind us to the past and instead, allow our past to be viewed from the mountaintop of God’s blessings.
Thank you for a great topic and a loving heart to help people. Bless you! Lisa Q
Thank you so much, Lisa!
Prayers from those who love us indeed make a huge difference…. Every time I meet someone who is bound by something that I struggled with in the past, God gives me a special burden to pray for them.
So glad you stopped by!
Be blessed,
Patricia, what a powerful reminder of how disabling it can be when we allow our past to cling to us. It definitely holds us down and God is waiting to help us release and be restored in Him. I can relate to all the feelings you expressed. It’s always struggle but I appreciate your reminders to let it go. Gods always waiting to help us take the next step forward. What a blessing!
Thank you, Melissa!
Every time there is a struggle we must stand on what God’s Word says… we are fully forgiven… and new creatures in Christ, made to walk forward, not backwards, in complete victory!
Great to see you here today! Blessings,
Patricia,
I love this post about true love. I relate so much to it because I never felt loved as a child. But I don’t want to continue to use my crutches of the past to put a damper on my present love. I pray I walk in freedom, living loved by the Savior.
The love of God makes all the difference. Like you, I can relate to a time of not knowing how to get past those old wounds. I thought there was something I could DO, surely, to fix myself. It took me many years to comprehend that it was all dependent on Jesus and letting him love me. His love heals. It’s simple, but getting to that place of allowing ourselves to be loved can take a while. Only love allows us to forgive and to let go of those hurts. This is a great summation: “It happened one step at a time, as I surrendered each burden and chose to forgive. Only then, after choosing to deliberately leave the past where it belonged, was I able to receive the healing, peace and joy that set me free.” A terrific, practical, helpful post!