Each morning, with careful attention I gingerly turned over and reached for my Bible as to not disturb the joy of the motionless night I just had — a routine I repeated throughout the summer of 1995.
When I was pregnant with my oldest son I was diagnosed with an inner ear disorder, Ménière’s disease. “They” (the medical powers that be) thought it was caused by a viral infection I had in college. Wherever it came from, the long and short of it is, it made me dizzy.
In June of 1995 we had just moved from Tallahassee back to Jacksonville and I had a bout of Ménière’s I couldn’t shake. It wasn’t full on vertigo this time but more like a steady unsteady — like a feeling of no gravity —moon walking even. Trying to take care of two little boys and a husband while feeling more like a person who was floating about and less like one who’s feet were firmly planted on the floor was miserable to say the least. My only relief came with sleep and the words that were in my Bible just an arm’s length away. Without lifting my head I could pull them close. Each morning I’d drink in and savor the hope that would get me through those long summer days.
“To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill” (Psalm 3:4).
“He answers me” was a promise I held on to. But when Lord?
Have you ever asked that question: “When Lord?”
Morning after morning I called out to God for healing, waiting expectantly as Psalm 5:3 says. Give ears to my words, God. Then I’d go to another Psalm and pray, “Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer” (Psalm 4:1).The words from my Bible were soothing. They were my certain in the midst of the uncertain. My stability when everything felt unstable. They gave me the strength to sustain me in the wait. Click To Tweet
During what felt like my endless season of wait, I desperately sought out and connected with others suffering from the same dizzy disorder and then started a support group. In doing so I had the opportunity to share my faith with each member. I also researched and found a physician in the area who specialized in the disease and connected each member with him.
At the end of the summer my balance returned, ever so slowly, much like a fog that lifts with the morning sun.
Would I have gone as far to start a support group if I had had an instant healing? Would I have meditated on God’s words with such vigor? Would I have drawn as close to Him if I did not have those days of wait?
God never wastes a pain. For each one He finds its purpose.
Are you in-between place, anticipating an answer to a prayer? Call out to God in the morning. Find your rest in His promises for God will deliver. Let your anxious heart be calmed for He redeems every situation.
“Give ears to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” Psalm 5:1-3 (NIV)
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